The road is long and seemingly lonely... but we run the race before us. Learning with each step to be more content with just joying in our savior and entrusting our weary soul to His care, believing that He has our best in mind. Even when the dreary scene would tell us otherwise or the aches and pains seem endless and in vain... HE IS GOOD, HE IS SOVEREIGN, and we are certainly not forgotten.. for Christ didn't forget to save our souls from before the foundations of the universe.
Training for this marathon has been rough. I almost quit it all last week, convinced that it was just hurting my health and fatigue, and i had come up with this idea out of some crazy attempt to prove to certain people that I was in fact doing something of worth with myself. But it's crazy how God pursues us in the midst of our ULTIMATE weakness. countless fellow saints sat with me over this past week to help me raise my drooping head and weary arms, pick myself up off the ground and continue the race. I literally sat in my bed sunday, staring at my Bible and weaping because I didn't even know where to start or how to approach my God anymore. And after such a sweet season of refreshing and depth of knowing God, that weighs heavy heavy on my spirit. O how i miss many a night spent in the awkward chairs at art six where the Lord held my attention so engrossed within the words before me as he unveiled his beautiful character and holiness to an unsuspecting heart. With each new story of the old testament, my heart falling deeper in love and satisfaction with the God of the universe. And then in great awe that he had literally met with me in such a lowly estate, even in the middle of art 6. I miss that sweet sweet time in the cleft of the rock. And now, as my legs ache and im plastered to the bed(not even my bed, but my roommates because I dont have the energy to get up and relocate... thanks rachel:)) im reminded of the changing seasons. Challenged to believe that my God is that same God, that same sweet pursuer of my soul. And so, on monday, I began again, submitting each step with faith, of my 18 miler.. without the beloved i pod, intent to just listen to my God. It's always amazing how God uses that time to just literally lift my eyes and mind toward his truth. Its quite literally the only times during this season of my life i feel i can hear His voice. O how sweet, when im all sweaty, knees stinging, feet aching (because i need some new shoes!!!!!!!!!!), fighting every thought of disbelief and fear....He meets with me. He whispers over and over... I love you, just enjoy the process, just enjoy me." and guess what... I MADE IT.. even with a sprint in the last mile... o glory! here is what i quoted the whole way through... being reminded of the condemnation of the enemy and entrapping fear i face daily...i was also reminded of The God that has redeemed my soul from the pit of emptiness, loneliness, and death that i will never have to go back to...
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
He makes me lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside still waters
He restores my soul
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his names sake.
Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death
i will fear no evil
for you are with me
your rod and your staff
they comfort me
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies
you anoint my head with oil
my cup overflows
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life
and i shall dwell in the house of the lord
forever.
...I am God's, and the enemy has no chains on me anymore...
And as i watch the leaves change and season turn to cooler air and brighter mornings, I am reminded that i can never predict when God will have my life change coarse, But to trust that in the midst of it all, His glory is not lost, and His strength has not left, and His call on me has not changed. To know him and make him known. To pursue holiness with all vigor, even when my legs grow weary. And so, i press on, even when it might seem, by looking around at my life and looking in the literal mirror, that i am absolutely digressing and life is just a mess.... insurmountable. Truth is, waaaay waaay back before there was time, God already saw it all, and cleaned it all up in His Beloved son. And thankfulness floods my heart and eyes, for HE IS GOOD and HE IS SOVEREIGN.
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. galations 6:9
